Oh our sweet Maggie. I've been thinking about her a lot lately, thanks to Wesley. It's been close to a year since she went missing. Wesley has really been missing her lately. He is so attached to his stuffed animal Beagle, which he renamed Maggie. He randomly asked questions about that day she went missing like "Why did Maggie run away?" which leads us to explain she probably got onto the trail of something & she didn't run away cause she didn't like us... "What do you think she smelled?", "I sure miss Maggie, Don't you mom?". Usually he ends up making me cry. Grief goes thru such weird stages. I didn't really think that a year later he'd be going thru all this still. He's done great really. It's almost worse lately than it was before. I think he's trying to remember what it was like to have her here and he can't and it makes him sad.
She went missing last year on January 19th. It was just a crummy day in general. To look back on facebook I wrote that day as my status "January 19th, whatever did I do to you?". It felt like that day was paying me back for something awful from my past. I can't remember all the other things that happened that day now but just remember wanting it to end. She got out while I was trying to load the kids in the car. I ran out immediately looking for her and couldn't see her right away. Usually when we were on her trail like that I'd at least see her, I mean I was right there and I didn't see her sneak out. It's as if she disappeared as soon as she was out the door. While Wesley was in the car he didn't see her either and either did the construction worker at our neighbors house... it was the weirdest thing. At first I questioned if she had even gotten out but was just hiding in the house somewhere. We left, I know it might sound weird to some that I still left knowing she was running free but Maggie got out a lot. Rarely would be find her when we would look she'd just always show back up on our porch or yard hours lately. I mean we had missed some great things looking for her, Levi missed my birthday dinner with friends one year cause she was out and we thought someone should look for her. Did he ever find her? No she just ended up at our door hours later. She knew the clues that she was going to alone and seemed to sneak out at those times. She longed to be outside hunting down scents, following rabbit trails and eating food from the garbage. She was a scent hound and it wasn't until later did we learn that it this is typical of Beagles. They get on a trail, let their stomach lead them astray. They are also great trackers so there is no need to "find" them... they know their way back better than you do. Of course non of these are good things in the city but you can't take the natural instincts out of the dog no matter how domestic.
We weren't even gone an hour and I was trying to look for her on our way home. Once home I left all the doors open again just assuming she'd show up instead. As night came I then began to be worried. We searched for her a lot that night. It was the hardest thing to go to sleep that night. I slept on the couch in case she came to the front door, we'd hear her. Levi and I were both up often looking out each door hoping to see her. Days and Days of searching followed this. It was hard. I mean if the kids were awake... sometimes even if they weren't, we were looking for Maggie. We were driving around calling for her and talking to people. Cole took his morning nap in the car more times than I can count those 2 weeks. We just knew that someone, somewhere would be walking her or she'd be in someones yard and then she'd be back home, right where she belonged. We'd go out as a family after dinner and search more. It was the most exhausting 2 weeks of my life. We just knew we'd find her so we roped Wesley into the search too. Often I'd let him show people her picture from the car window or he'd call out for her too. Oh the tears would roll if we let him call for her. It was the most heartbreaking thing... I still can't recall it without tearing up.
We'd done all the necessary steps to make sure she wasn't at a pound or on the dreaded 'clean up' list but some wrong information from one of the pounds lead us to search for her longer than needed. We finally posted a sign that led to answers. A bus driver called Levi and told him Maggie had been in an accident and Levi confirmed the story with the police as well, who was also called to the scene. It was awful!!!!!! It's hard to hope that long to just find out all the time was pointless.
We still miss her so much. I miss having a dog around a lot! Some memories have faded and it feels like forever ago we had her around. Still at night though if the sheets are tangled or stolen from me, I blame Maggie in my head. If the back door doesn't shut and blows open I draw concern that Maggie got out... those things. My floors are a MESS, I didn't realize how much a dog helped with sweeping!!!!! I sweep 10xs more without her here... seriously. It was crazy the difference. Wesley misses playing with her too. Cole didn't really know her, he was only 6 mo old but it is funny how he loves dogs too. He will take Wesley's Maggie stuffed animal and say "Woof, Woof, then give it a hug"... he wants a puppy too!!! I can't wait to get a dog again- I'm ready but my head is winning in this case. I can't have 2 kids in diapers and a puppy to house train! Our home is small and we don't have a yard for a dog which is one reason Maggie got out a lot. We are gone a lot it was always a hard time traveling with her. We had to take her 99% of the time because no one was near enough to feed her and let her out for us... we are trying to be wise here but yet it doesn't feel right... We need a dog, our kids miss having a dog. I think we missed our opportunity to get a dog this summer. It'd be too hard now to have a newborn and a puppy! So I wait, We wait. Hopefully soon we can be dog owners again and get back that part of our family that is missing. It doesn't feel complete around here without a dog. Maggie was my first "baby", She was GREAT & I miss her everyday! Maggie was my dog (though Levi was her favorite, hate to admit it but it is true), I can't wait till the boys have a dog they can call their own. Maggie was great with both boys but in reality she was a little old to be as playful as they would want... a puppy will be perfect, when the time is right we will be whole again!
It's funny how you can't really remember life before your kids. It's weird to me that Cole has only been with us for 18months. My mind puts him in places he wouldn't have been. 18 months sounds like such a short amount of time. The transformation that takes place during these first years is amazing... it is hard to wrap your head around how much the learn in their first year & half. I mean the same amount of time has passed for me as for him yet I have changed very little.
