The evolution of a scrooge

I do feel a bit scroogish this time of year, I use to not be like this! This is typical the last couple years for me... nothing new this year. Honestly this year is better than most. For 11 months out of the year I do have a great job (well 9 months... about 3 months it is pretty crazy). I have been dearly blessed, but this one single month is rough. The holiday spirit comes in many forms. Most of the spirited people I see are not so positively spirited. Frustrated about something. I don't have any real guest situations to complain about, well maybe one but I don't want to get into it. I have only been yelled at once this season, mostly I end up being the ear for their frustrations in other areas. Mostly all my customers are going through the motions and just along for the ride. I do enjoy helping people make great memories. I enjoy talking to them each year. Remembering the year I was on crutches or the year I was pregnant... most returning guests joke each season wondering what I got myself into this year. So they are happy to seem in one piece no props to walk or a proper walk not waddle or without a limping. I just get so tired during this season, like the point of no return. After long shifts I would usually try to attempt to make yummy truffles or do holiday shopping because I do truly hate myself. I use to spend Christmas day wondering how I could sneak a nap in and would anyone mind? That was the only present I wanted- REST!

For the first couple years I was determined to separate work and holidays... well it was not possible. It always ended up be one jumbled ball of stress unable to determine which was which. We have never had a tree while down here. It feels like a waste. We aren't even here for Christmas day. I am also worn out from all the decorating. I am responsible to decorate the huge restaurant... However I would still despite that try to play pretend holidays and have Christmasy goodies for my friends and family. I was trying too hard to keep up that front that I had everything all together, till it has eventually ruined things for me.

This year has been better though. We decided not to do presents this year. Just my little family will exchange gifts. I feel like I am sort of in denial about the holidays or boycotting them this year or something. The normal stress from work is there but it much more relaxing to just come home instead of caring on the personal holiday stress too. It has gotten me thinking about what we have turned Christmas into. Don't get me wrong I love giving gifts maybe more than I like receiving them but I am definitely a fan of leaving the stress to someone else. I don't miss trying to run around to find the perfect gift. I have seen a few great things that I have had to leave behind and that saddens me a bit. I wish that I wanted a tree for Wesley, or that I had time to make sugar cookies with him, He doesn't even have a stocking (I have stuffers with no stocking!)... part of me simply doesn't care too much about any of that, which is really sad. I wonder how long it will be until my holiday spirit comes back (the positive one people want to have)? I hope it hasn't gone forever. I do believe in a celebration during this time of year to reflect on the ultimate gift that was given to all of us. Jesus! Celebrate that by spending time with those who are a gift to you... share the love with family. I hope that one December soon I will enjoy it! Truly enjoy all aspect. I will bake sugar cookies with my kids, decorate the tree with our favorite Christmas songs playing, have a feast that is worth looking forward to for a year, and have the best darn Christmas party anyone has every been too! One day... and hopefully one day soon:)!

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One a different note here are some photos I didn't have time to post from Thanksgiving. It was a nice break to go up to Redding and relax for a few days. Cailee my niece had her first birthday too while we were up there, it was nice to be in town for that.