... Today. I was doing a pretty darn good job staying positive about Cole's ear and the road ahead. We have an audiologist appointment on Friday and I was wishfully thinking that they would say: "He can hear out of that ear, all we have to do is open it up." Now I don't feel so positive. Today I didn't obey that little inner voice saying "Don't do it... don't you dare do it!!" I decided to do a google search on underdeveloped newborn ears. STUPID... STUPID... STUPID! I saw children's ears that look just like Cole's and read about all the problems associated with this birth defect. Read about genetic disorders and what % of a chance we have of this happening again. I read about the surgical procedures needed to correct their hearing and ear. Most children can't hear out of those ears... on and on.
I have so many concerns. After reading everything I think Cole's ear might be worse than I was originally thinking. I know the doctors don't want to overly scare you but from what I was reading there is a slim chance this is nothing and an easy fix. We are only a few days into this journey and haven't had any specialist appointments yet so there are SO many unanswered questions. Best case scenario he can hear and we just have to fix it cosmetically... well that required a surgery where they extract some bone from his ribs and build him an ear! Not a simple procedure if you ask me. Of course this is all internet induced fear. It also did not help that today we got a large packet of information about implanting hearing aids in toddlers heads, living with a child with disabilities, government programs, explaining surgical procedures, syndromes associated with birth defects and support groups. None of that information was encouraging it just cemented the fact that this is not going to heal itself. This isn't something that every family has to go thru... this is different and going to be hard.
Why can't I just have a healthy baby, take him home from the hospital and live happily ever after? 3rd times the charm?? don't worry we aren't ready for #3 yet.
Right now writing is therapy for me, thank you for reading and supporting us through this all.
3 comments:
Hugs. The internet, good and bad. So much information. but for us Mom's it can reassure us or put more fear in us.
None the less we still know who's in control.
We have a Wonderful God that will sustain you and keep you. He can do miracles. We are all with you in this. We LOVE you so much. Mom
God will get you through this! I know you already know that, but encouragement from friends and family who love you all will hopefully make you feel better and encouraged. Keep writing - I love to read your updates. Love you guys!
Andrea
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