Having a Heart of Thanks!

I do have to say a heart of Thanksgiving is not always easy. Sometimes it feels like it is raining on you and pouring at times and finding "thanks" in those days can be a challenge. It's really easy to sit and think that how life on be better if... yeah our house provides shelter BUT...

But really we all have so much to be thankful for. We need very little, yet WANT a lot!... guess we never really grow out of that huh?

This year I'm thankful that I get to be home. It's busy, crazy, messy, frustrating and sometimes lonely but I know its right. It's all about what you make it to be. God has continued to provide and fulfill my need to be creative and busy. Last year He blessed me with my plush monster idea. Even though making those monsters and shipping them for Christmas made me a bit crazy... I realized that Christmas would've been a lot harder to pull off if it wasn't for that extra money. This year it has been my photography. We've needed the money for clothes for the kids or misc. things but it's there, we've needed it... God provided it.

I'd love to move... it's hard to have kids (boys especially) and not have a yard or a place for them run freely. Most days the boys sharing a room is lovely and fine but there are those days that the thought of 3 kids in one room makes me feel crazy before the baby is even here! YET I can't escape the fact that God is providing for us HERE... right here... where we are... were we've been.

I'm thankful for our families who love our children so much. My parents have driven down just to watch the boys if we are really in a bind or just because. Most of my grandparents are still alive. Both my Grandma's and one Grandpa. I have such special memories of them when I was little so I love that they have a chance to make memories with my kids now. Levi's Grandma (baby lover to the core!!) passed away before Wesley was born and Levi's Grandpa got to meet Wesley a few times before he passed in April 2007. We miss them dearly but mostly we miss their opportunity to get to know our kids. So for that I'm thankful that most of my Grandparents are alive to be able to love on my kids and create their own memories.

Jack & Wesley tickeling Granny (or Great Granny) to them.

Stop Stealing My Joy!

I think we all struggle with envy and comparing ourselves to others. I know I do and I think you'd be lieing if you said you didn't... I guess that's not necessarily the case, you could truly, genuinely be content- I've been there before.

I struggle with this a lot. I lack structure and self discipline so it is easy to look at people with different personality and compare how I'm holding myself and family together vs. how they are. It feels chaotic a lot and envy people who can keep things under control. Truthfully though it's only a matter of time till I see that they don't have everything under control either. It's easy to look at friends houses and lives and compare but it is a SIN, a dirty one too... it ruins relationships, creates bitterness and robs joy! I saw this quote today and I just wanted to share it. I have the most joy when I rejoice successes with friends instead of feeling envious or forgotten by God.

The other day a friend said to me "how do you keep it all together?" I laughed, part of me wanted to lie and agree with her but how unfair would that be to her? I feel like asking that question to about 100 other women in my life. Just about everyone seems more on top of it than I. I did share tips though that work for me to TRY and stay on top of things but I have yet to find a perfect recipe for success. I've given up trying... or at least until the kids are older.

Celebrate other women in your life, share their successes and achievements and encourage one another instead of comparing or playing the my-life-is-worse-than-yours-game... don't give in, fight it! Then you will harbor a climate around you of celebration and praise. Chose JOY!

Hot or Cold

I never did a blog for Cole at 1 year :( poor kid. He is already going to have middle child syndrome before the next baby is even born. LOL, no I've been wanting to do this blog for sometime because he is such an interesting person. I've never met anyone quite like him. I know you can say that about most and I could say that about Wesley too but I have to say he keeps me on my toes more than anyone else in the house.




Colie, Colie, Colie... where do I begin. The best way I have to describe Cole is he is either Hot or Cold, he doesn't really have a *warm*. He is so sweet, so lovable and for the most part so easy going but there are the battles he chooses to fight & he fights hard! He almost wins too, he fights that hard... He is tough and tender at the same time. Unless you've experienced him for yourself you might not understand what I am talking about. When is he pleasant he is so wonderful and when is determined nothing will stop him. This determination and stubbornness actually gives me peace. Cole has some battles ahead and he has to be strong and sure of himself. I LOVE seeing reassurance already that he'll be ok. He's up for the fight and he is going to fight hard! Nothing stops him! Seriously nothing, I usually just have to remove him or remove whatever he isn't suppose to be touching or doing. He just wants what he wants (like we all do) and he wants & expects you to be ok with that. When a moment calls for discipline I have to reassure him of my love for him more than I every did Wesley. Even Wesley the other day says to Cole "Mommy isn't mad at you, you just can't hit her!" Good Job Wesley!!! Yes, mommy isn't mad, maybe a little shocked he bit or hit me on purpose but not mad... I have some great boys!

I am fearful that with another baby coming so soon after Cole and these early years being so important for character growth that he'll get missed and he'll be a brat. Hopefully this concern will help me to focus on him and not forget. All these characteristics he is showing are great and just what this little guy needs but channeling them in the right way is a challenge. He already sneaks away and enjoys time to himself. We already have to stop sometimes and say "Where did Cole go?". Though he is busy and destructive he already knows how to fade into the background pretty well... One of his specialist said he is a great mix of social and independent.



Though this next baby was anything but planned I am so thankful that God has blessed me with an easy pregnancy- so far. I've barely been sick, tired yes but able to function (sorta). As long as I stay home and focus on them. all is good :). If I was sick and weak and not able to be present with my kids this time could be a lot different (in a very bad way) but thankful I feel well enough to still get to enjoy and cherish these sweet moments with Cole at such a fun age. It still feels like life is flying by while my butt is stuck to the couch but at least I am here instead of at a desk and at least I am getting hugs from my boys instead of huggin the toilet bowl :).


This photo pretty much sums up Cole. Having a great time but all the sudden he is upset he didn't get his way. He was over it again in like 2 seconds. He just had to let us know how unhappy he was with our decision :). I think he was upset we wouldn't let him crawl into the ocean or maybe wreck the sand castle... something didn't go his way.

Here are a few fun things Cole is doing now:
- He thrushes his tongue in and out of his mouth while smiling to either signal to you he wants you to sign along or he's trying to sing... super cute & creative if you ask me :). He'll do it while he dances too. Unlike Wesley who has always had rhythm, poor Cole takes after me... no rhythm at all.

- He plays Peek-A-Boo every chance he gets. The other day at the doctors he was playing around the doctor because she stood in between him and I. It is so adorable how playful he is. There is always time for a game in his opinion.

-He is randomly saying more things. He isn't constant with any of his words but he has said several things at the right time.

-He's walking & trying to walk everywhere. He falls so much more than Wesley every did, I feel bed for him. Sometimes when he falls he gets mad but usually he just tries again with a smile on his face :)

Swim Lessons

Well we finally are getting on the ball with summer plans and the boys are doing swim lessons! I barely made it for the last session of the season. This summer has flown by with me stuck on the couch. Being pregnant really takes it out of you sometimes and sadly summer hasn't been I had hoped it would be :(.

We decided to enroll Cole in swimming lessons too. He's our water baby!! He loves the water and has no fear. He gulps water, coughs and chokes and does it again! He's getting more manageable in the pool and bath but still he's a handful. I thought some early swim lessons would do him some good. Of course the plan was for me to take the classes with him but with my recent ankle sprain I've been benched :(. Kind of sad to miss those fun times but I'll just watch and take pictures.


At first he was just wanting to snuggle and be near Grammy. Strange people, strange place but in typically Colie fashion that only lasted a short time before he was having fun.

Wesley, Wesley, Wesley... He is a handful in the water for other reasons. He wants to swim and have fun but he is fearful of getting his face wet. It ends up a battle every time. Recently Levi and I decided that WE might not be the best teachers for him... he might benefit from someone elses instruction (and patience). For other people he isn't as whinny and stubborn. First lesson- success!! The instructor got Wesley to hold his breath and go all the way under water by the end of the first session- something I had deemed IMPOSSIBLE!! He still had the same fear at first but at least he wasn't whining to the instructor. The funniest moment though was when they all held hands and did "Ring Around The Rosie" and then on the "... all fall down part" everyone was suppose to hold their breath and go under. Well everyone did- BUT Wesley. His head stayed high above the water and he swim over the top of another kid to get back to the side of the pool to hold on. My mom and I just cracked up. I wished I would have had that on tape- classic!

Unexpected Blessings

So Yeah, You think you are shocked!! How about us? We were surprised. I have to say, though this was not planned, it was not that much of a surprise. I had been living in denial for a few weeks. I refused to take a test until one I was eating my lunch and it made me gag. I thought to myself "Hmm... That isn't normal..." Then later I wanted to puke while chewing gum (something that is typical of my pregnancies) and I thought "Oh man!" So by the time I actually took the test, I was expecting it. God really wants us have this baby. When will I learn that this life and plan are not my own? Seriously how many times do I have to be taught the same lesson?... Guess it is the stubborn German in me.

Next question I usually get is "How old will Cole be?". It's funny because first people act really happy and shocked then the reality sets in and they ask about Cole's age. He'll be 19mo. People have babies closer all the time but this was a little closer than I thought I'd have my kids. I like a space, I like to invest time in their baby stage and then introduce another baby... but it will be great... I think. I also can't believe that I was pregnant just a year ago. Pregnant for the same 8 weeks too.

Going to the doctor yesterday made it all the more real. As if the fatigue, nausea and the general miserable nature I am in, wasn't enough... It was so fun seeing the baby on the screen. Got to see the umbilical cord and the heart beat. I'm right around 9 weeks, give or take a few days. So far I feel better than my last pregnancies but still so tired because Levi has been working so much. I feel sick and have no appetite but I haven't thrown up yet, so YAY!!! By this time with Cole was puking regularly. Staying home really helps. I nap when the boys nap in the afternoon and I just never leave the house. I hope the rest goes smoothly. I have a semi-rough past as far as pregnancies go and I've been really trying to exercises and diet before I got pregnant so I am trying to blaze thru the fatigue and keep that up. We are entering this pregnancy with caution and a lot of prayer. I pray that this baby develops fully, is full term, no complications, blood pressure stays down, food stays down :) and God's will be done... We are so blessed with the 2 we have to the 3rd will only bring more joy to the house :)! Levi and Wesley have their hopes up for PINK, I am not putting any thought into the matter :).

Due Feb 10, 2012

Happy (Early) Birthday Colie!

We celebrate the ever important first birthday early. It was niece Samantha's birthday June 4th and we try and make it to the nieces and nephews 1st birthdays, so since we were going to be up there anyways we might as well just have Cole's party. We used Cole's party to get together with all our family and friends.

Plan A: was to go to a park with BBQ facilities & having hot dogs, watermelon & sno cones (yes I had rented a machine)... then when that park was booked onto plan B. Plan B: was another park but just snacky type foods & games. I was really looking forward to putting the party together. Then came the rain & so then I had to plan for the inevitable. Plan C: have nearly 50 in my parents house... yeah it was going to be interesting. Saturday- drizzely all day. Sunday sun was shining & I was extremely hopefull. After baking a ton of cupcakes & making cake pops for the first time it was time to set up. We started to set up out back because I mean the sun was out... but not for long. Before too long the sky got dark again and it started to sprinkle. Optomistic me thought it would still just blow over & we'd be fine... then it poured. Ok move everything in! I was really dissappointed because basically it was going to be throw food at people and give them a (or several) cupcakes & say "Thanks for stopping by." It was going to be sad. I wasn't sad because it was a party, or for Coles sake- he won't even remember but I was SO looking forward to seeing everyone. (BTW it didn't end up being 50 ppl :)

Just as the first few guests arrived the sky opened up and the sun shown thru again... It was miraculous and GREAT!!! Everyone went outside and the games, eating & conversations proceeded as planned. In my opinion it was a great party, everyone seemed to have fun so I think they'd agree. Kids plays woffle ball & adults plays corn hole. Games for all ages :).

It was fun to plan a "themed" party. I hadn't done that before. This was a circus theme so there were different popcorns as a party snack... chocolate strawberries to but that is just because I love them. There were so many cupcakes, I think most kids got 2, I made about 30 cake pops, ice cream, along with a party favor of cotton candy. Yeah I have to say if I had attended the party I threw I'd be a little upset about all the sugar too :). Cole actually did seem to enjoy himself after the initial shock of all the new faces. He loved his cupcake! I had left to scoop the ice cream but I guess when he finished his birthday cupcake he reached to the table for another- that's my Colie!

Siblings

What would life be like if you didn't learn the fundamental "You are NOT the center of the universe" from your siblings right... I mean who else brings you down to size besides your brothers or sisters. They are usually the first to say "I love you but you are NoT all-that". We learn some valuable lessons from our peers: sharing, friendship, disappointment, joy in one another, showing love & many many more!

It is so sweet to see my 2 boys interact. Cole waits for Wesley to wake up in the morning. He tries so hard to play with Wesley and actually has learned how to take turns already. Wesley is so attentive and sweet to Cole. He is such a huge help and for the most part is very understanding that Cole is just a baby and is learning. The boys played together flawlessly- I do mean flawlessly, for 10mo, 3 weeks & 4 days (yes i was counting, no really it was just easy to keep track cause the fighting just started) Then one Monday it began!... the fighting. Poor Colie couldn't do anything right in Wesley's eyes. Wesley just saw Cole as a nuisance that wanted to ruin his legos, cars or blocks. I know Cole was thinking "Man my brother is so cool build these towers I can destroy- I have the BEST brother!"

Day 1: "Ha Ha, this is so cute." I found it so amusing that Wesley would get so upset and Cole was just simply having so much fun.

Day 2: Pretty much the same

Day 3: Will I ever get to do anything in the house agian or is my new job 'house referee'?

Day 4 to FORVER: "Just play nice!" "Stop FIGHTING!" (Oh man this is not fun!)

I laughed at myself and the transformation I had during the week. It started so cute and funny and then it was completely opposite.

My favorite "referee" moment of the week was when Cole was taking apart Wesley's legos. Here is the conversation:

"Mom!!!!!... Cole is ruining my legos"

"Wesley, do you think Cole is really ruining your legos or do you think that is how he is trying to play with you right now?"

"No he's ruining them!!"

"Wesley I think he is trying to play and I think he thinks he is playing with you."

"NO, NO, NO!! He thought 'I'm going to disobey my mom and ruin the legos'!"

Ha Ha the logic of a 4 year old. At least some of my talks have soaked in :)

They fight over all the toys, of course Cole thinks whatever Wesley is playing with is for both of them to play with. Cole is so independent though that even one day he was tired of the fighting and went off and played by himself :). It cute and funny to watch right now. It makes me feel more like a parent. They still play really well together and I the peace lasted longer than it does in most houses. I've heard from friends there kids started fighting and I'm thankful for that. The Battle of The Bowers Brothers is just beinging... we aren't even into Chapter 1 yet, I am sure!

Finally 4

WOW I can't believe it's been so long since I blogged. A lot has happened but I think I'll catch everyone up on another day. Right now this blog is all about Wesley!

Oh my sweet, adorable, spunky, fun loving, handsome, considerate, sensitive, forgiving, wise little boy... You've grown so much! I enjoy seeing the boy you are turning out to be. You are simply wonderful and delightful.

Wesley turned 4 back in January. We had a "pretend" party for him in Redding with the family then we came home and celebrated again on his actual birthday. I wanted his hair cut because it was too long then it got cut too short so finally it is the way I like it. I was finally able to do his 4 year old pictures :). I had an idea of what I wanted but once we were dressed an ready the light was all wrong! I was a little bummed but then I came across this building. I have seen it 100xs and LOVE IT. Though we've been here for almost 7 years now I've never had my camera on me when I am in this part of town. So finally 7 years later I get to photograph this building. The colors, textures and patterns were fun. Wesley was excited to get his photo taken, soon I found he just wanted to play and then see the screen. I was annoyed that he wasn't cooperating. I realized one day I will be so sad that I have these posed pictures that aren't "real"... this is real! This is him... this is him dancing, him playing, him being him and it's wonderful! I am so happy I embraced it and had fun right along with him.

I think just about any 4 year olds shoot would look a little something like this :).

Oh how quickly he is growing, quicker than I can comprehend. I am so proud of him!

My New Years Prayer

I don't believe in resolutions... well that is something hard to "not" believe in, they exists people have success with them but I just find them pointless. First off, how messed up is it, that our New Year is right after pig out season? I don't find myself making a resolution because it is the new year I find myself making a resolution because the holidays are filled with junk food and it makes you feel all icky- just saying.

I do have hopes for this year though. There is something so encouraging about looking at the next year like it is a blank slate. In all reality though it is the same as a new day or a new month, it's just more symbolic.

2010 was such a GREAT year. My long time dream of staying home came true... Our family grew by one precious little boy and by one neice too (3 weeks older than Nicolas). We've had some challenges, had some victories, had some tears and had some great laughs! There aren't too many years I am sad to see go and 2010 was one of them... such a great time! I've probably learned the most about myself in 2010 than any other year too. I have issues and those were discovered in the last few months... no all seriousness I have issues :). Being creative and free spirited has some down sides too... I either need to come to terms with it or work on disciplining myself more.

This next year is going to be exciting too... Cole will start crawling and walking with in this next year. Wesley will be even bigger, more independent and will be getting ready for school!!! I will grow as an artist and refine my skills more and more. Levi will be closer to having his maters in Mechanical engineering- a dream he has. We will celebrate 10 years of marriage (I'm not old enough to be married 10 years!) Levi will join me in the 30 club. Though we rang in the new year beard free (levi of course not myself)... I am sure we will see a beard agian in 2011. Yep it will be eventful... but am I up for it? Sure why not, bring it on.

2010 brought some uncertainty into our life (well nothing is even certain it just appears that way sometimes). I NEVER would have dreamed that Cole would have been born with a birth defect. I was more worried about making it thru the pregnancy healthy (me and baby since Wesley's pregnancy was so scary) to even wonder or stress about something like that. I guess that worry is always in the back of your mind but the type of worry that you convince yourself will never become reality- not to you at least. I also would not have expected to handle it with such peace and patience as we have. I don't feel the need to stress or overly worry about anything, it may look like denial but it isn't. Everyday I am reminded that our journey with him is not the normal journey people get to take. Though there is nothing to "fix" in my mind either... just things to work around- a different way of doing things than I had planned.

It was kind of scary to quite work. It had become VERY clear that is what I was suppose to do. God had always provided great homes and friends to care for Wesley. We were so blessed with babysitters and help! Well all of that went away. Our friends and sitters all moved, first college, then the other across town... just became clear that we were going to have to compromise a lot if I wanted to keep working. A compromise we were not willing to take. A boss that I dearly loved working for moved to a different restaurant which made the appeal of going back to work not as appealing. Work would have still been fun don't get be wrong but it would not have been the same. It was going to be a greater hardship to work than to not, so we took that step of faith and I made that hard phone call and stepped down for a job I loved and was good at. I can't say everyday since has been a picnic, I've seen some of my hardest mom days since then but I know I am right were I am suppose to be so I fight the urge to run out of the house screaming :).

I pray this year that maybe more good days come around than bad, that Levi's school isn't as hard as it was last year. I also pray that Cole continues to develop without interruption! Wesley continues to be the awesome brother and son he has always been. Both the boys to grow up with a fear and hunger for the Lord. Me: to get myself focused and motivated to make changes. The list goes on and on, so like I said this year no resolutions just prayer- it's the only thing that works anyways right?

Happy New Year!